Thursday, November 29, 2012

Meeting an Old Friend

Things have improved, in so much that I applied for a job, got an interview and got a second interview. I'm yet to hear back, but impressed I even had the chutzpah to apply. I decorated my flat, in bright colours and a myriad of kitsch. I dealt with a boundaries violation by my flatmate head on and you guess what? She didn't make me feel crap or that I had to put up with her nicking my food and fags. I didn't get a torrent of abuse or be made to feel I should not feel aggrieved. I didn't then fester with anger, resentment and anxiety. I feel happier, more confident and more normal I guess. It was like catching up with an old friend, it felt familiar rather than alien. A homecoming. Talk Talk fucked the account transfer to me and I had to contact Adam, it was hard, but I didn't let him engage with me and I firmly told him to return the items he took to my office and not my home. When he had a tantrum I highlighted how he had manipulated it into an argument, and I was not being unreasonable. I felt shaken up, scared, I puked, but I didn't say "Please drop round the flat" although a part of me would have liked that more than I can describe. I'm waiting for the next cluster bomb of his fuckery, most likely him trying to eject me from the flat, but I have a plan, I have plans nowadays. I am a woman with plans, a future, not long term, but I can see in five years that I will have bought him out of the flat, have a restraining order in place and be in a job that values my skills. I can even believe I can offer the world something, I'm not defective. I am Zoe, I'm getting there.

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